Better

This is what I have learned.  When everything is confusing and you feel spread way too thin and the future is very cloudy and you don't know what to do next, remember the great and mighty deeds(wow that was churchy) that God has done in the past.  Don't tell every person (even and sometime especially the close friends) what God is doing in your personal walk with Him.  The dreams and hopes and wishes and desires sometimes are better left for fruition.  Basically don't pick the fruit before it is ripe.  Don't live life without expectations.  Even though it hurts to be let down, sometimes that closure is exactly what God is trying to do, CLOSE THAT DOOR, especially those that you have had your foot in for so long, slammed and abused.  And who's to say that one door closed doesn't mean that this entire part of your life is over and done with and that you should leave it never to think back on those times.  Because when you are most frustrated, most confused, seeking the most, following without having any direction, you realize that you are no longer following your own path, your own plans.  This is where God wants you, where He can truly use you.  Stay there and seek.  Don't leave.  Don't carve out a hole in the wall where a door used to be.  Wait, follow what you know to be true even though the destination is not clear, or maybe not even something that you wanted in the first place, but here is growth, learning, progress, creation.  It sucks,  I KNOW.  But I just have faith that this is where God has put me and who am I to be arrogant enough to say that something else is better.

Sacrifice

I've been looking for a real sacrifice, something more, something worthy. Maybe my thoughts are in the wrong place. I mean, I know that I can never repay God for his ultimate sacrifice, and never will be able to, but I just think that there is so much more to give... I read that the early disciples of Christ, the beginning Church fasted, not to ask God for something, but because it was cheaper not to eat and they could give more to the people in need, the poor, the hungry, the lost. What am I doing? What is this love that I have that doesnt reach farther than my arms, that never reaches beyond my own meager, selfish desires? Everything is provided, and God is so great and good and powerful, shouldnt that mean that I give freely what is so graciously given to me? Shouldnt there be a TRUE sacrifice? Shouldnt there be something missing that was not given out of an excess, out of too much? Shouldnt I feel something, like they felt that hunger in their somaches? I want that emptiness, not because I have need, but because I sacrificed.